I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
