Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
