Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
