Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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