I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Farmville is her only friend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
