wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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