I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
