i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
