Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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