I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
