everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
