new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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