dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
