I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
