She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
