3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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