i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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