Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
