Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
