broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
