Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
