the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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