Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
