Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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