i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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