Swine flu. Run for my life!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
