If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
