And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
