is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
