Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
high people should be assigned attendants
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
