so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My pussy is not your playground.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
