Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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