All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
