I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
