I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What a dumb baby whore.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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