we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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