Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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