Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
