He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
