just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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