There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
