man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize