We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
