You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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