oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
