wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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