you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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