Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I supernannyed him into submission
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
