Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
