Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
