Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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