and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
