Already got asked if we're dating
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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