Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
