I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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