just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize