he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
