the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
