Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
