Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
