when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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