I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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